When someone close to the family is diagnosed with dementia, it affects everyone, including the children. While young children may not fully understand what the ‘dementia’ means, they often notice when something changes. A grandparent might start forgetting names, become confused during conversations, or behave differently from how they once did. These changes can be upsetting or confusing for a child who doesn’t yet have the words or knowledge to understand what’s going on.
For parents and carers, this brings an important but sometimes tricky task; talking to children about dementia in a way that is both honest and comforting. With the right approach, these conversations can help children process their feelings, and form an understanding of the situation.
Why It’s Important to Talk Openly About Dementia
Children are naturally observant so it is likely that they may pick up on changes in a grandparent’s behaviour, before an adult has even explained the diagnosis. If they don’t understand what’s happening, their imaginations may fill in the blanks, often in ways that are more frightening than the truth. Being open and talking to children about dementia helps them feel secure and included, rather than confused or left out.
These conversations also create space for children to express their emotions. They might feel sad, anxious or even angry, and acknowledging those feelings helps them feel heard and supported.
Tailoring the Conversation to the Child’s Age
The way you talk about dementia will depend on the age and maturity of the child. There is no perfect script, but keeping explanations simple and truthful is a good place to start.
With younger children, you might say something like, “Grandma’s brain is poorly at the moment, and that makes it harder for her to remember things.” It helps to use everyday language and offer reassurance that they haven’t done anything wrong, and that it is out of anyone’s control.
Older children and teenagers may want more detail. They might ask what dementia is, whether it gets better, and how it will affect the future. Try to answer as honestly as you can, while offering reassurance that their grandparent is still loved, cared for, and part of the family.
Being Honest While Offering Comfort
Children can usually cope well with the truth if it’s delivered gently. It’s okay to explain that dementia is a condition that can cause memory problems and confusion, and that it can sometimes make people act differently from how they used to. What matters most is offering the important reassurance that their grandparent still loves them, even if they don’t always remember their name or respond in the usual way.
It’s also important to let children know that dementia is not contagious, and it’s not caused by anything they said or did.
Helping Children Stay Connected to a Grandparent with Dementia
Even when a grandparent’s memory fades, the relationship can still hold great meaning. Children often enjoy looking at photo albums, drawing pictures, singing songs, or simply sitting quietly together. These small moments help maintain a sense of connection.
If a loved one is living in a care home, staff can support these interactions by suggesting age-appropriate activities and helping to prepare the child for what to expect during visits. The benefits of these interactions for the person living with dementia shouldn’t be underestimated either – spending time with children can be a familiar and comforting experience that prompts happy memories.
Finding the Right Support
You don’t have to manage this on your own. Whether you’re looking for practical advice or emotional reassurance, there are organisations and care professionals who can help. At B&M Care, our homes are experienced in supporting families through this, and we are always happy to help. We understand the importance of keeping families involved and helping children feel safe and included.
Talking to children about dementia isn’t always easy, but it can make a big difference. With honesty, patience and support, children can learn to understand what their grandparent is going through and continue to share meaningful moments with them.
To find out more about our dementia care or arrange to see one of our care homes, please contact us to arrange a visit.